First of all, I want to apoligize. I realize it has been around a year since I last posted, and the last year I did post, I only posted twice. It's honestly really crazy to realize that much time has gone by since then! But so much has happened since then and I decided I would attempt to share with you some of the bigger things that have happened. :)
So I'm just going to be flat out honest with you guys. These past few years, something had seriously been missing when it came to my relationship with God. I knew of Him, yes. And I knew some Bible stories, most of the time I knew some of the right things to say.. I knew about Him. And even then, it still wasn't to the level I needed to. But there was something majorly missing. I didn't KNOW Him. I hadn't ever really encountered Him personally. Always struggling with major trust issues in my life, the area of my relationship with God was no different. In these past few months, I felt empty. I was stressing and worrying all the time, I wasn't spending time in the Bible and the Bible verses I did read just made me angry and feel convicted, and when it came to a measurement of how much I trusted God, it probably wouldn't have been enough to measure on any kind of scale. I wasn't trusting because I didn't know Him. How many people are really going to trust someone they don't know? Not many people. I mean sometimes, it will happen. But you can't normally develop a close relationship with someone you don't trust.
So I came to a point I was tired of myself. I was tired of waking up every morning and stressing and worrying about my future, I was tired of all my distrust in the people around me, and I was really starting to hate myself. I wasn't spending time with God, and I wasn't even sure I wanted to. But I knew one big thing. I wanted something to change.
Soon the opportunity came to go to a Christian retreat with our local church. I had heard of this retreat and many of the local teenagers had gone to it. They all said it was amazing, but I wasn't convinced. I wasn't sure how anything that involved spending a few days away from home could be concidered "amazing" on any level. I was scared and bitter, but had the money to go. Without really understanding why, I signed up for the retreat and paid for it in full. Having no idea that the retreat would be a HUGE turning point not only in my relationship with God, but also my life.
While I was there at the retreat, God met me there. Maybe not in the traditional face to face meeting you'd imagine, but without a doubt I know today that I encountered God while at that retreat. God did so much while I was there. He healed past wounds, broke ties of not being able to trust, and drew me closer to Him, all while revealing his plan for my life in little ways. While I was there, I found out that God was calling me into full time ministry of some kind. I just didn't know what form that would take.
Upon going home, I was happy to be home but also scared that everything I had experienced would disapear with it. Coming home was different, yes, and it was a transition for sure. But nothing disapeared. In fact, almost the opposite happened. In these past few weeks, God has stirred a passion and a calling for a Christian internship program through Teen Mania called the Honor Academy. Through this academy, I will be able to spend a year seeking God in a Christ centered environment with other people close to my age for a year. The entire program will bring huge changes, some of which I'll admit can be a little intimidating at times. But I know that God will grow me greatly through the program. (If you want to check out the website, it's www.honoracademy.com. I will probably post about the academy in a future post)
Through these past few weeks of prayer and seeking God in His will for my future, God has shown me that he would like for me to attend the academy this August, which would traditionally be the start of my Senior year of high school. In order to do this, I will need to not only graduate by August, which would mean finishing a year of high school early, but I will also need to fundraise to raise $2,400 by August, the amount required by the time the internship begins.
So life has been crazy these past few weeks but I am so excited to see what God will be doing with the future! I will try to start keeping this blog more active and should be posting more actively. :) You may also notice that I've changed the design and name of the blog just because of the change that I have personally gone through in my life recently. Instead of "My Life With God in Control", the name has been changed to "Complete Surrender". (This name change models the story in Matthew when Jesus asks Matthew to get up and follow Him) I have also changed the domain name and design to fit this theme a little better.
Thank you so much for your support! Prayers would be greatly appreciated! Also, if any of you have any prayer requests, feel free to comment and I will pray for you.